Hawkeye Rap

Why People Hate Tim Tebow

Why does everyone hate Tim Tebow? I mean, I sort of understand it if you are an SEC fan. But as I write this, Tim Tebow is about as popular as Barry Bonds. I haven’t seen a college football player this vilified since Nebraska quarterback Eric Crouch suited up for the Huskers back in 1998. Granted, I’m not a Runnin’ Rebel, a Razorback, a Volunteer, a Bulldog or even an SEC fan. So maybe I can’t fully grasp the deep hatred for all things Tebow. But I’m pretty sure I can sympathize. I mean, my favorite college football team is Iowa State, for god sakes! They have a combined record of 11-25 the last three years. Trust me, I know what it’s like to lose at the hands of the big boys. Oklahoma and Texas still play in the Big 12, right?

However, I have to admit I don’t really have a problem with Tebow. The kid is a winner on and off the field. And I’m having trouble grasping why everyone else is drinking the hatorade. Maybe it’s because he opts for jorts instead of fratastic cargos. Maybe it’s because they find the guy arrogant. Maybe it’s because his girlfriend’s enhanced mamaries are the size of Dolly Parton’s. Maybe people hate him because they think he is a religious zealot. Maybe they hate him because he wins. I mean, he has already won two National Championships and one Heisman Trophy. Everyone hates a winner, right?

But the real reason people hate Tim Tebow is because they are tired of him. He is like the college version of the Brett Favre retirement saga. People are tired of it. They are tired of seeing his mug on Sports Center. They are tired of hearing every sports analyst anoint him “Touchdown Jesus”.  They are tired of hearing about how he circumcises Philippino children on mission trips. People are tired of Tim Tebow and that’s why they love hating him. I have to admit that I’m tired of him too. But maybe he isn’t the problem. Maybe our problem is that we are just victims of our own 24-hour sports creation.

Regardless, I wanted to re-post “The Tim Tebow Drinking Game” that I first saw posted on Cyclone Fanatic and then again on this blog. I thought it was pretty funny. A buddy and I are going to attempt the “Tebow Challenge” when the Florida Gators take on the Cincinnati Bearcats in the Sugar Bowl on January 1st.  I posted it below so you can too. Just do so at your own risk.

The Tebow Challenge:

In honor of Tebow’s sheer awesomeness (gag), we give you the Tim Tebow Sugar Bowl Drinking Challenge!

The Rules:

* Drink every time Tebow is called “a warrior.”
* Drink every time Tebow’s called “a leader,” then salute.
* Drink every time Tebow’s called a “special athlete,” then yell “Tiiiimmmmmmmmay!”
* Finish your drink if the announcers suggest Tebow should have won the Heisman again this year.
* Drink every time Tebow points to the sky. Then realize the only reason the sky hasn’t fallen is the strength of his pointing.
* Drink every time Tebow references God. Or himself. Tom-A-to. Tom-ah-to.
* Drink every time he’s shown on the sidelines flapping his arms like a bird (or an idiot) to pump up the crowd.
* If (when) Tebow actually takes flight, finish your drink and do a shot.
* Drink every time Tebow’s on camera for no reason when the Florida defense is on the field.
* Drink every time Tebow is seen screaming with his helmet off.
* Drink every time they show a “I Heart Tebow” sign in the stands.
* Drink every time you see a Florida fan in jorts. (Small sips on this one. Otherwise it could kill you).
* Shot every time they mention his experience as missionary.
* If they mention him performing circumcisions in the Philippines while he was a missionary – Chug your beer, do a shot of Patron.

(Disclaimer: Playing the Tebow drinking game may/will result in death. So don’t do it. Ever. Not even in jest. The content above this disclaimer is a joke, not a suggestion. If you’re dumb enough to do it, just pray Tebow is nearby. Only he can save you. Him or a local hospital with a stomach pump.)

Today I Like…

this reindeer hat!

Joel says I need another hat like I need a hole in my head. But if anyone needs any last minute Christmas gift ideas for me, or for someone as cool as me, this is it.

Christmas with the Andersons

Right before Thanksgiving, we set up our Christmas tree. And by we, I mean Joel and his dad set it up and Joel’s mom and sister decorated it while I stood around and attempted to look busy. It’s not that I dislike decorating the Christmas tree, it’s just that after hanging four glittery ornaments, I get bored. But our tree looks amazing. And I have to say it looks better in person. So if you’d like to come over and see it, let me know. Specifically on the day after Christmas, so you can help us take it down.

We also put our Christmas wreath and stockings up. I was supposed to put pins in the hang-y part of the stockings so that they would lay straight. But the chance of that getting done before Christmas is not looking good. The variety gives them character anyway, right?

And on Sunday we made gingerbread houses. Well, a gingerbread house and a dilapidated village. I’m here to tell you, the gingerbread village is a lot harder to make than it looks. And decorating those things are nearly impossible. My brother and his girlfriend snatched up the house right away, so Joel and I labored over the village. We also had a gingerbread train kit that we didn’t get to. Maybe we’ll save it till next year. Does gingerbread expire?

Austen and Chelsey’s gingerbread house:

My half of the village:

Joel’s half of the village (the ghetto):

Our combined gingerbread community:

And this week we had a huge blizzard with 14.5 inches of snow. Our deck is covered with snow up to our waists. There’s no doubt we’ll have a white Christmas this year.

The tree’s up, the stocking’s are hung, the gingerbread houses are collecting dust on my mom’s counter, and I’ve seen Home Alone four times this year. Maybe now it’s time we get started on our Christmas shopping…

What I Learned in Mexico

In Mexico Everything’s Negotiable

There is an art to negotiating and I’m pretty sure I’ve perfected it. Here are a couple rules to keep in mind when you are negotiating for that sweet sombrero or those hard to find Oakley sunglasses.

Rule 1: Don’t negotiate with guys named Carlos. They’re non-negotiable.

Rule 2: Always act insulted when the seller tells you how much something costs. But don’t oversell it. My advice is to act only mildly offended. Like ‘your momma’ joke offended. Trust me, this works every time.

Rule 3: After the seller tells you his initial price, look him in the eye and say “no way, Jose.” (Okay, that was just to butter him up.)

Rule 4: Now that he’s buttered up, you can lowball the crap out of him.

Rule 5: Oh, I almost forgot, stay away from the cute kids who try to sell their hand-made bracelets. They’re like little cute puppies, and you’ll end up  buying one.

MTV in Mexico is actually MTV

MTV stands for music television yet MTV rarely plays music on your television. Well, at least not in the states anyway. But MTV in Mexico is different. MTV in Mexico is like what MTV was 20 years ago in the United States. You know, pretty awesome. It’s crazy they actually play music and stuff. 

I like Sol better than Dos Equis but not as much as I like Pacifico 

After spending the last five days drinking Mexican swill and working on my golden tan, I have come to the conclusion that Mexican beer is pretty boss. In case you are planning on crossing the border sometime in the near future or want to wash down your spicy burrito with a cold one, I took upon myself to do the guess work for you. Here’s how I would grade Mexico’s popular brews.

Corona: C (According to my boy Juan who works the pool of the Grand Mayan Resort, Mexican natives don’t really like Corona because it’s supposedly their low-end beer. Or, in his words, their “crap beer”.)

Pacifico: A – (Pacifico is especially tasty when it’s consumed directly from the bottle. Not as much so when its consumed via a red flip cup.)

Dos Equis: B + (Dos Equis is probably the second most popular Mexican beer, most notably for its double XX rating. I find it be a step above Corona but a step below Pacifico.) 

Tecate: D (It’s alright going down but you’re going to regret drinking it in the morning.)

Sol: B + (Good Stuff! Just don’t let it get to room temperature because then it starts to taste like urine and salt water, or at least what I imagine that combination tastes like.)

Modelo: A – (Most underrated. But it’s annoying that you have to peel the champagne-like covering off the top. Your beer shouldn’t have to be child proof.)

Bohemia: A + (Much like Modelo, it’s also child proof. But, in my opinion, it’s the undisputed king of Mexican beer. It has a very distinctive, malty flavor that is not overpowering. I highly recommend it.)

Leon: F (Pretty much tastes like vomit.)

Warning: Lukewarm cerveza does not taste like lukewarm Busch Light. I know this seems like a pretty obvious statement, but when you’re three tequila shots and four beers deep, it’s not.

Mexico Take One

We just returned to the frigid tundra that is Iowa after a week in Riviera Maya, Mexico with my family and some family friends. I was thrilled to see my puppy but, other than that, I would be content heading right back to Mexico… which is exactly what we’re doing next month. In January, Joel and I are taking a trip with 8 of our friends to Cabo San Lucas for a week. We probably should have left a little more time in between trips to catch up on things before we turn around and leave again but where’s the fun in that?

Anyway, I thought I’d give a little run-down of our adventures in Riviera Maya. On our first night in Mexico, we were all pretty tired from traveling. Trust me, getting through customs with 11 adults and a baby is pretty tiring. So we stayed in for the night and ordered pizza and played Bananagrams. If you’ve never played Bananagrams, you’re really missing out.

My mom, Lori and Sherri went to the grocery store on Sunday to pick up some necessities. Like 14 cases of Mexican beer and several bottles of liquor. The jacuzzi tub became a makeshift cooler for the week.

We spent the day on the beach. I love the picture below because the ocean looks so inviting. It wasn’t. There were huge rocks all over so you couldn’t really go in without sandals. But it looked nice. And it was 85 degrees every day so I really can’t complain.

On our second night, we took a taxi van into Playa del Carmen. We ate at a restaurant called La Parilla. A picture of the seafood for two was included in this post. It may have been the best meal of the trip. And then we hit up the bars.

On day three, Austen won a dance contest at the pool. His moves invloved humping the ground and the table and shaking his booty. It would have been no contest if he would have thrown in the Jump Rope or the T-Rex.

We went to Playa del Carmen again on the third night because we had so much fun the night before. A few times during the trip people came around with sombreros for us to wear so that they could snap a picture and make us pay for it. Instead we just gave them our cameras and a tip. And this might be the only picture I have of the whole group.

We spent half of day four at the pool and the afternoon on a snorkeling trip. The snorkeling was pretty awesome, but, man, does it wear you out. I swallowed at least a gallon of saltwater. I don’t have any pictures because we brought along an underwater camera and, of course, I haven’t gotten around to developing them yet. After snorkeling, we played an intense game of soccer on a nearby beach. The whole trip was very cool. And it was great to come back to a feast of tacos and spaghetti cooked by those who stayed behind. It might be the only time I eat that combination of foods but it really hit the spot.

On day five we hung out by the pool. Surprise! By this time we had it down to a science. We couldn’t have coolers by the pool, so we stowed our cooler on the beach right behind our lounging area at the pool. It worked out swimmingly.

That night we went in to Cancun for a little change of pace. We ate at a restaurant called Las Palapas and did a little shopping at the flea market which was definitely an experience. Here’s our family picture on the dock at Las Palapas.

On the sixth day, can you guess what we did? We hung out by the pool. And we played water volleyball so much that my wrists started aching. I have weak wrists anyway due to my, ahem, accident.

And at night, we went to Playa del Carmen. I had the best mojito of my entire life. It was heavenly… and enormous.

We also watched the fire show at the Blue Parrot. A few of us caught a glimpse of it on our first night in Playa del Carmen, but this time we got to see the full effect from a table right by the stage. It was simply amazing.

On the last full day, we mainly spent our time on the beach and in the pool. And taking it all in before we had to head home.

We went back in to Playa del Carmen for our last night in Mexico. The place we had dinner was called Casa Adela, and we went back to the Blue Parrot afterwards to see the fire show again. The whole trip was such a fun time. And the warm weather has me excited to get back to Mexico again next month. Because walking out into the cold Des Moines air in flip flops and a light cardigan was not the most appealing homecoming.

And I want to thank my mom and dad for taking us with them on their trip this year. They go to Mexico twice a year with their friends and this time they brought us along. We had a blast! And we’d love to do it again next year (hint, hint).

Pictures: First Day in Riviera Maya

 

Today I Like…

The Grand Mayan at Riviera Maya.

Because that’s where we’re headed today. My parents decided that they’d rather take us on a family vacation than mess around with gifts this year. And we couldn’t be more thrilled!

Ugliest Football Uniforms

Before the coin is flipped, the ball is tossed, and the first tackle is made, football teams around the country suit up in their Sunday best for hard hits and dazzling plays. Unfortunately some teams don’t always look the part. In fact some teams look downright ugly. But, I’m not refering to the play on the field. I’m talking about the uniforms. Let’s face it, sports guys are not known for being the most fashion forward group. Thankfully though, with my vast array of fashion knowledge, keen eye and unbiased sports opinions, I’m able to spot these guilty offenders. So, with this year’s football season winding down, I thought it would be fun to do a little uniform critique. Here’s who made my all ugly team. 

NFL - 1st Team All Ugly

The Denver Broncos

It doesn’t get any uglier than the Denver Broncos 1960s “throwback” jerseys. The players look ridiculous in those things. I’m not sure what’s worse, the Oompa Loompa socks or the poop and  mustard-colored jerseys. But  look on the bright side Broncos fans, you can always get a good deal on a Kyle Orton jersey.

The Philadelphia Eagles

The Philadelphia Eagles showed off these throwbacks during the 2007 season. I’m not sure if  the Eagles wanted to look the old Minneapolis Lakers  or a bad semi-pro team? I can’t decide. But those things are awful. 

The Pittsburgh Steelers

The Pittsburgh Steelers wore these throwback jerseys back in 1994. They might surpass the Broncos as the all-time ugliest throwback jerseys. But I think you could make a case that these babies would make for a sweet soccer jersey. ”Oh lay, oh lay, oh layolayolayo.”

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers broke out the old “pewter pirate” throwbacks against the Green Bay Packers early this year. These pieces of work are also known to Bucs fans as the old “creamsicles”. I don’t know about you but these uniforms make me hungry for some taffy.

The Seattle Seahawks

I can’t decide if I love the Seahawks’  lime green uniforms or if I hate them. At first glance it looks like somebody spilled a lime green slushy.  But, for some  reason, they keep growing on me. I think I may need Tim Gunn’s opinion on this one. 

College – 1st Team All Ugly

The Flordia A&M Rattlers

When your uniform looks like somebody threw up their salad, it’s not a good thing. I’m pretty sure the XFL had cooler uniforms than those atrocities.

The Wyoming Cowboys

I’m sorry, Wyoming, but your school colors suck! The brown and mustard yellow color combo is  just not working. That is, unless you want to look like yellow butter cake.

The Boise State Broncos

I’m flagging Boise State on these babies.  Those uniforms are downright ugly. It’s got be impossible to tackle these guys at home because their blue uni’s match their blue turf. No wonder they haven’t lost at home in like a decade.

The Rhode Island Rams

The Rhode Island Rams or the Rhode Island Smurfs? You decide.

The Oregon Ducks

And, finally, you can’t have an ugly uniform list without including everyone’s perennial number one pick: the Oregon Ducks. I know it’s the trendy pick. But the Ducks deserve it. I mean, it’s okay to have an ugly home and away jersey. But with help of Nike, the Ducks have over 80 ugly uniform combinations.  I mean, how many times do you have to re-design the Sierra Mist can? To be fair, I don’t think this year’s uni’s are all that bad, although they do look a little too Mighty Duck-ish for me. Really, Nike? Wings on the shoulder pads?

The Heart is a Lonely Hunter

It took me four weeks to read this book, but it’s not because I didn’t like it. I really did. It was just a little more difficult to read than some of the recent books I’ve read because some characters were not really introduced but just thrown into the mix. I kept going back to read the chapter before to make sure I didn’t miss something.

The book is set in the 1930s and revolves around a deaf mute called John Singer and his relationships with people in the town. Parts of the book are difficult to understand, but the characters are well-developed and interesting. My favorite character was a young girl named Mick. I would have liked the story to focus more on her, but I guess that’s how it goes with books.