The Problem with College Football

Allegiances aside, I love college football. I love waking up early for the week’s big games. I love the smell of bratwurst emanating in the air and the sounds of beer cans be being cracked open. I love the rivalries, the school spirit and the pageantry. I love Mike Leach interviews and close-ups of Colt McCoy’s girlfriend. I love it all. But lately I find myself caring less and less who wins the games. I think it’s because it really doesn’t matter who wins anymore.

Unless something strange happens in the next couple of weeks, at least three undefeated teams are going to be kicked in the groin come December 6^th. The likely kickball candidates include TCU, Boise State and Cincinnati. Unfortunately for TCU and Boise State, they’re not part of the good ole boys club (AKA Bowl Championship Series) that was created back in 1998. So, they are most likely going to be on the outside looking in come this December. As for the Bearcats, they’re like an older Sharon Stone; they look good but not good enough for the voters. And college football is sort of a beauty pageant. It’s just the way things are, and we have been conditioned to accept it. But I can’t.

My question for the BCS big-wigs like Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany is, why? Why can’t we have some sort of playoff? Why don’t the little guys get a shot? Isn’t competition what makes sports so great? I’ve heard your “every game is a playoff” rhetoric long enough. Quit lying to us. The real reason NCAA Presidents and Conference Commissioners don’t want a playoff system is because they don’t want to share the loot. But what if we came up with a way to make you guys like the old guy from the movie Richie Rich? Would you be interested in that? I think you would. For god sakes, even our President wants a playoff. I wonder what the BCS is going to do when the Justice Department starts looking into anti-trust violations. Sorry guys, this is America and we’ve played your BCS game for too long.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always enjoy the traditions of college football. But lately it’s turned into a bad episode of American Idol. It really has. How am I supposed to get excited about a sport where a group of people vote on a winner? And how is this different from American Idol again? Oh right, we don’t have to hear Sanjaya sing.

I guess I’m tired of the same song and dance every year. I’m tired of watching the little guy get left out. I’m tired of watching the Pac 10 trounce whoever they play in the Rose Bowl. I’m tired of hearing about which 12-1 team is the best. I want an 8-team playoff!  I mean, you can even keep your Bowls. Hell, after a couple beers you might even be even able to talk me into a plus one format. How about that? I’m not hard to please. But until that happens, I’m not going to be watching with the same passion I once did. I’m not going to be singing along with the rest of the American Idol hopefuls. Nope, I’m going to be singing a different tune. You know, the one they play on Monday nights.

Breakfast of Champions

Today I Like…

the amazing fall weather!

photo credit

I’m so thrilled that it’s November, and we actually still have nice weather. It’s supposed to be nearly 70 degrees this weekend! Joel and I are going to cheer on our Cyclones against Oklahoma State today and absolutely getting some tailgating in before the cold ruins all the fun. My favorite thing to do on Sundays in the fall and winter has always been to perch myself on the couch and sit through about 9 hours of football, but there’s no way I can do that tomorrow. I’m going to have to be outside with the dogs and the leaves and the sun. That is, if I’m feeling up to it after a night of helping the littlest Harvey celebrate her 21st birthday!

Fame Seeker

“I think I’m just misunderstood. I’m not a fame seeker. Everyday I look in the mirror and I wonder [why I'm famous]. I don’t sing. I don’t dance. I’m not a Nobel Peace Prizewinner. I just had eight kids and I had a show on TLC.” – Jon Gosselin

October’s Search Terms

I’m always entertained to see how people find our blog through search engines. I have a feeling that some of them are pretty disappointed when they find that our posts have nothing to do with what they were actually looking for. Below is a list of the top five most amusing search terms from last month.

1. rootbeer toenail polish- I’m almost positive this search lead them to this post… although where the rootbeer came from is anybody’s guess.

2. pinky toe curls under- This is definitely referencing the same post as above. I can just feel the camaraderie between all of us with messed up feet.

3. megan fox is hot- Yes, she is… according to this post.

4. new ed hardy shirts- Quite a few people find our blog by searching new Ed Hardy gear because of this post. I would guess that they’re fairly unhappy with the results.

5. can’t find shit- I have no idea how people are directed to our blog with search terms like this. But welcome, ye who can’t find shit.

Funny Stuff Sold on Amazon

Kid’s Pimp Suit Costume

Favorite User Comment:

“Finally, kids 10-16 can begin their lifelong path of degrading, and destroying women, body and soul. Goes great with ‘My First Crack Lab’, Whammo Heroin Set!

My thoughts:

Pimpin Ain’t Easy!

Electric Spin the Bottle Game

Favorite User Comment:

“Someone brought this game to a party we had and it totally broke the ice. It’s like that old game spin the bottle, but it actually talks and tells you what to do. It plays truth or dare with you and tells you to kiss people and stuff. And it asks the most embarassing questions.”

My thoughts:

Back in my day we just used a 20 0z pop bottle also known as a spitter!

Otomix Baggy Workout Gym Pants

Favorite User Comment:

“You don’t choose these pants, these pants choose you. Endowed with the ability to be both practical and attractive, these pants have given me the admiration and respect I knew in my heart I have always deserved. Although I have noticed a growing rift between me and some of my closest companions, I find their loss is of no consequence. I have the pants.

Even though recommended for gym use, these pants can be worn in literally any situation. At the office, funerals, whilst cleaning the litter box, or most recently, at a high school semi-formal. The secret is in the flawless design. By dedicating an entire block of print to each leg, Otomix Baggy American Flag Gym Pants really maximizes the ability to showcase what it means to be a REAL AMERICAN. I like the artistic freedom it affords me. I can pivot to the left or right depending on my mood. Flash a little stars to show off my frisky side, or show some stripes when feeling a bit more demure. FYI, full frontal/rear view should be exercised with caution as I have found the intensity of the patriotism can induce nausea and or vomiting.”

My thoughts:

My gym sucks! Everybody just wears like shorts and stuff.

Velform Sauna Belt

Favorite User Comment:

“The first day I tested it I left it on for at least 3 hours. I did sweat a little bit; but I got nasty heat burns on my waist. I didn’t sweat as much, which make me wonder: What kind of SAUNA you use dont make you sweat hard? It used properly, and after a LONG time of use might have a possibility of showing improvement on your body. But for the same time you waste with this on, you can easily invest on going to the GYM and seing improvements firsthand.

My thoughts:

Man, how do I get rid of this rash on my stomach?

Toilet Seat Lifter

Favorite User Comment:

“This a great invention. My wife was always getting after me about not putting the seat back down when done whizzing. Now I push the lever and the seat goes up, when I take my foot off it lowers slowly and quietly without a hitch. Its easy to install even for a moron like me. Now I don’t have to even touch the toilet seat which is a huge bonus I think.”

My Thoughts:

Only $29.95.  I’ll take two, please!!

Momzillas

I was in the mood for some mindless reading for the drive to and from Chicago, so I selected Momzillas. It was all right, but I definitely hit the nail on the head when I assumed it would be mindless. I enjoyed the New York mommy slang throughout the book and I liked the main character Hannah well enough, but the plot seemed too much like other books I’ve read. The Ivy Chronicles and The Nanny Diaries come to mind for being pretty darn similar. Regardless, Momzillas let me zone out during part of the drive, so it served its purpose.

The Windy City

Joel and I made the five hour trek from Des Moines to Chicago on Friday night to visit our friends Beth and Matt and Michael. Beth and Matt live in Lincoln Park and we stayed with them since they have a nice little loft with a bed. We didn’t get to their place until almost midnight, so we watched the end of Troy with them and hit the hay.

On Saturday, we went to bar called Theory downtown to meet Michael and watch the Iowa game. There are a ridiculous number of Iowa fans in Chicago and the bar was packed with them, so it was pretty exciting when they came from behind to win the game!

Michael’s new apartment was about a mile from the bar, so we stopped by to check out his digs. And the view from his balcony is pretty amazing.

Beth and me

Michael

Joel

Afterwards, we headed back to Beth and Matt’s place to change into our Halloween costumes and scarf down some pizza. We went to a party at a bowling alley downtown called 10Pin which turned out to be a pretty good time. We saw some hilarious costumes. My favorite was a group of girls who dressed as Troll dolls with flesh-colored Spandex body suits, brightly colored hair standing straight up and big jewels on their stomachs. The contest winner was a guy dressed as Erin Andrews, also in a flesh-colored body suit, a blond wig and an all-access pass. “Erin” walked around the bar doing squats and asking questions about Tim Tebow.

Maverick and Mike Ditka

Sherlock Holmes and White Trash

WT, Ditka, Kimbo Slice and Sherlock

After the party, Beth and I had a couple hours worth of girl talk while Michael and Joel hit up another bar and Matt crashed. Overall, it was a pretty successful trip. Although the hungover drive home was a bit much. Somehow we made it all the way there without paying tolls, so we were unprepared for the tolls on the way home. We may or may not be receiving a ticket or two in the mail.

Today I Like…

this look.

photo credit

Joel’s going to be Mike Ditka for Halloween (we’ll be in Chicago, so it’s very fitting), and he’s been growing out his facial hair to get the Ditka-stache. Although I’m pretty confident he should scratch that idea and shave the back of his head like the above picture. I’m going to be a redneck NASCAR fan (not that I’m not that on a regular basis), so I think this look might work for me too. But I’d have to shave a big “99″ on the back of my head. I just don’t know if I’m ready for that type of commitment to a Halloween costume.

Victory is Sweet Even from the Cheap Seats

Nebraska’s Memorial Stadium is where bowl aspirations go to die. However, last weekend, I witnessed history. In the far northwest corner of the Nebraska’s hallowed Memorial Stadium, I watched in disbelief as my Iowa State Cyclones defeated the Nebraska Cornhuskers 9-7. Sick, out-manned and without our starting QB and RB, Iowa State did the impossible and beat the mighty Huskers in Lincoln.  Not since 1977 has Iowa State won a game in Memorial Stadium. 

The game, which included a record 8 Nebraska turnovers, was not pretty. In fact, it was downright ugly and, no, Iowa State didn’t win any style points and, no, the game didn’t have any BCS implications. But it was sweet. Iowa State fans have taken more gut shots than Soda Popinski in the last few years. So wins like this one make it all the sweeter.

If you’re an Iowa State fan, I’m sure you’ve already seen the emotional Rudy-esque celebration video. It’s been making the rounds and has appeared on ESPN’s College Game Day. But, just in case you live on planet Neptune, I’m going to post it anyway.